I hope my blogs have inspired some of you to live better, appreciate life more, make better health choices, maybe even attempt something you never thought possible as I am attempting my own feat of losing weight. I have tried to add humor in each blog, but today, I wanted to inspire you to do something else. Think.
You see, for years, I hated Mother's Day. Not because I had a terrible mom or anything, but it was a reminder each year of what a failure I was because we didn't have kids, even though we had tried for years. I attended church service after church service of moms being honored for everything they had done, for loving their kids sacrificially, and for being just downright awesome. And with each word spoken of "You have done so much", I heard "You can't do anything." With "You are so awesome", I heard "You are a complete failure."
Most of you know my story. For those that don't, Bubba and I tried to have a baby for 7 years. I tried fertility medicine, diet, exercise, Metformin, and tons of prayer. I was devastated each month when I discovered I wasn't pregnant. Failure. Loser. Less of a woman. I had dreams of being pregnant and going to the hospital to have a baby, but I would wake before I saw the baby. Do you know what a disappointment that was? In August of 2007, I had a differnt dream. I was at the hospital, except I missed all the labor, and was holding a beautiful baby who had tons of hair and chubby cheeks. I kept saying, "I Can't Believe I'm A Mommy", and in that dream, I started singing, "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His Word. Just to rest upon His promise, just to know thus saith the Lord." I could finally see the baby. My heart soared, and then I woke up, devastated because it was so close, yet so far away.
In October of 2007, my doctor called me when I was home on my lunch break, and she informed me that my levels were lower than they had ever been. "Stacy, I will agree to do one more round of medicine, but if that doesn't fix it, I am afraid there is nothing else we can do." Those words hit me hard. I hung up the phone, collapsed onto the floor of my kitchen, and began to pray. Actually, it was more crying and sobbing than praying, but somewhere during the tears, I managed to pray, "God, I have been faithful. Your Word says You will be faithful to me. It's time I see it. I can't do this anymore." I continued to cry and weep. I can't describe in words how HARD I cried. So hard in fact, that I physically hurt after it was all over. I picked myself up off the floor, wiped my tears, and went back to work - red-faced and swollen eyed.
Two weeks later, we were helping some friends move, and I told my friend that I was 2 weeks late, and I figured I needed to go ahead and take a pregnancy test because that always seemed to trigger my body's natural response to your body is designed to do each month. A couple of days later, I stopped by Kroger and bought a test, ran through Burger King drive-thru, and went home. I called Bubba and told him what I had done, and he will tell you now, that he began to brace himself for me calling and crying because another month of failing was about to rear its ugly head. I went home, took the test, and sat down to eat my burger. I waited the 3 minutes, walked into the bathroom, and picked up the test. "Pregnant." I blinked a couple of times and looked again. "Pregnant". I started crying and saying, "Oh my God! I can't believe it! I can't believe it!" I called Bubba and attempted to form a sentence of "I'm pregnant!" After a couple of times of attempting it, Bubba finally said, "Baby, I love you, but I can't understand a word you are saying." I took a deep breath and said, "We're going to have a baby!" And after 7-1/2 years of trying, through months and months of tears and aggravation, my husband's response was "Cool". Cool? That still makes me laugh.
9 months later, after a problem free pregnancy, my beautiful daughter, Addisyn Dianne Sapp, was born. She had chubby cheeks a head full of hair just like in my dream.
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| Addisyn Dianne Sapp (2 weeks old) |
I couldn't believe that all my prayers, and literally dreams, had come true. She has blessed my life so much. I never thought I would enjoy being a mom as much as I have. I look at her sometimes and think, "Wow! She's really mine!!" I sometimes stare at her just so I can engrave her picture in my mind. The goodness of God is prevalent, and the tangible reminder of His promise and faithfulness to me sleeps across the hall from me each night. And she loves Jesus with everything she has. She prays for her teachers and friends. I have been told my several people that she has such a sweet Spirit, which I believe is God's love flowing through her. It has been almost 4 years since she entered my life, and I can't believe how fast time has flown.
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| Mother's Day 2011 |
My Mother's Days are so much better now, but my heart still aches for those women that are living the emotional hell I lived for 7-1/2 years. So, this Mother's Day, when you are celebrating those Moms that are in your life - whether your own or someone else, stop for a second, and say a prayer for those women in this world that are really suffering today because of lies they may believe about themselves - lies of being a failure, being unworthy, or being less of a woman. Truth be told, they don't realize the potential they have - either as a biological mom, an adoptive mother, or just a strong woman who can impact a generation of women to come.
Happy Mother's Day to everyone!!
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