"Is it wrong that I can't feel my feet?"
"Can you please carry me?"
"What have I done to myself?"
These are all sentiments I shared with my caring and supportive husband as we walked out of the gym last night after my first Zumba class. I was sooooo happy it was over that there are not words that can express my utter gratitude for 7:45 pm, which is when the class was over. However, last night was a very trying time for me on top of dealing with "inner apprehensive disquiet" of going to the gym for the first time.
I picked Addisyn up and the first words out of her mouth were, "Momma, is tonight gym night?"
"Yes, baby," I muttered under my breath, "tonight is gym night."
"Yea!!!" she screamed. She was so excited, and for what reason, I don't know. However, her sentiments changed once we got there (read further). We ran home, finished dinner, grabbed a very quick bite, and as I was cleaning the kitchen, I got a phone call that rocked my world for a second. At that moment, I didn't want to go to the gym. I didn't want to put on the happy face and go work out with some people I didn't know. All I wanted to do was curl in a corner, cry, and reason within myself why it would be okay for me to eat an entire bag of chips. Instead, I put my shoes on, texted my friends to please pray, and got in the car and cried all the way to the gym. Addisyn sat in the back seat playing and singing. Bubba drove since I couldn't see through the tears and attempted to console me, which only made me cry harder! After some very challenging words from a friend of mine to think on the positive things that Phillipians 4:8 tells us about, I resolved myself that I was right where I needed to be - on my way to the gym.
Remember how I said I was afraid of Addisyn crying once we got to the gym because she wouldn't want to go? Well, it happened. And how did I react? I drug her little crying behind straight into the kids' room. I needed this. I needed to go work out all my frustrations and fears. We left her crying, which broke my heart, but I knew we had to do it, and we will continue to do it.
Bubba and I parted ways - him upstairs to the equipment area, me to the gym for Zumba. I immediately walked in and went to the very back of the room. There was no way I was standing at the front. While standing there, I began talking to a very nice lady named Mindy. In talking, I told her that I had done Zumba in the past, but had quit about a year ago. She said that the teacher was really nice, but this particular night, we had a sub, but that it was fine. As I scanned the room, I noticed people from all walks of life - skinny, not-so-skinny (Addisyn yelled at me for saying "fat" last night), young, old, rhythmic people, and the rhythmically challenged.
As the music started, the teacher began with a warm-up song. Not so bad. "I got this," I thought. Well, one song led to another song and halfway through, I thought I was going to pass out. At one point, Mindy looked at me and said, "This is really intense tonight!" "Good to know", I thought to myself, "because if this is easy, we need to install an oxygen bar somewhere in this joint!"
There was one lone man in our class, and he led the Thriller Dance. I can honestly tell you, I think he was Michael Jackson in another life. This man had the dance down! I am sure that he has led that song at many a 80's party. And on top of that? He can dance his behind off to Lady Gaga's "Alejandro". You have no idea! There was another lady, probably in her late 50's or early 60's, that really tried to do the moves, but failed miserably. But, she kept throwing her hips (to the point I thought she was going to throw one OUT), and kept dancing as if no one was watching. And when it came time for them to put their belly dancing belts on with the jingle bells? She was on it like nobody's business. And then there was me, who spent a great deal of time watching the teacher and saying, "If I try that, we will need paramedics!". However, I did the entire hour class from "Rock Party Anthem" to "As Long As You Love Me". I walked out drenched in sweat, talking to Mindy, and making plans to see her next week. I may not have done all of the moves perfect, but I was there. Sitting here writing this, I realize that the "inner apprehensive disquiet" I experienced earlier from (1) attending this class and (2) the news I received before we left for the gym is now a little smaller. I struggle with it, but it isn't nearly as loud as before. I intended to do Zumba on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but due to back problems, I may have to opt for only one night a week now, and working with the machines the other night.
I will go back to the gym tonight after work to attempt Aqua Zumba. Ladies, this creates a whole other fear. I have to put on a bathing suit to do this. The only saving grace I have is that the majority of my body will be under water while the train wreck happens. But you know what? I am going, dragging Addisyn while she is kicking and screaming, and hopefully, I will be able to get a decent workout in.
What is your favorite workout?
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Life's a Party......a Zumba Party!
Well, hello there! No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth. Just life. Just life. I really want to be better at blogging. I will try and get back on track.
I went through my old posts today to see when I last wrote. Yeah, that would be June. A lot of things have happened since then. Addisyn turned 4, we celebrated my Daddy's 55th birthday, we went on a mini-vacation, school started which means Addisyn is an official Pre-K kid (hold on while I wipe the tears!), and the worst of all is that I have gained back some of my weight. I hate to even write that!!
Like I said earlier, I went back through my old posts today and read what I had written when I first started and even through my last post in June. While it was encouraging, I kept asking myself, "Where did that person go? The one that didn't care how long it took, what it took to get there, or realized obstacles weren't meant to overtake me but to be overcome?" I want to find that person again. Hopefully, tonight, I will get a glimpse of her.
You see, we joined a gym. Yes, I know that I said earlier that I couldn't afford it, but I have become one of the typical treadmill owners whose treadmill has become more of a clothesrack than a piece of exercise equipment. So, we bit the bullet and joined a local gym. We have been members there before, so I knew how nice it was and was eager to get back. About the time we joined, Bubba broke his wrist playing softball and pretending to be Derek Jeter!! Following that injury came surgery. Following surgery came recovery. And so on. So, needless to say, I have paid for a gym membership for almost 3 months and have yet to use it - until tonight!!
This particular gym offers Zumba. For those of you that have lived under a rock the last three years and have never heard of Zumba, check it out at www.zumba.com. It really is a lot of fun, plus you can burn anywhere between 900-1200 calories in an hour. I love Zumba! I have done it off an on since Addisyn was a baby. I think I like it because it is more dancing than exercising, and well - I like to dance! So, when we finally said, "We are going to the gym!", I looked at the calendar. They offer Zumba on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Aqua Zumba on Wednesday nights. Excuse me?? Did someone say Aqua Zumba? Heck, yea! I can have fun and not sweat? I am all over that. I have never done that, but I will try anything once.......within reason! So, I told my husband that my schedule will be Zumba three days a week and walking either outside or on the treadmill Monday and Friday. Momma is taking the weekend off. You heard me - I'm gonna be a Zumba fool!
And then I start thinking - "You really are a fool! Do you remember how tiring a class is?" "Three days a week?" "You'll never make it!" "You will look like a big dummy out there! People will laugh at you!" And so on, and so forth. So, last night after I decided this would be my routine, I started freaking out. I still struggle with leaving Addisyn at the gym's childcare after being at school all day, but when I start to think about backing out, she pipes up, "Hey, Momma? Are we going to the gym tonight?" I very quietly, with fear and dread in my office, say, "Yes, baby." To which she replies enthusiastically, "YES!!!" And I resign myself to the fact that I have to go because she will be disappointed if we don't go.
All in all, I guess I am afraid. Afraid of what I will look like. Afraid of what will happen. Afraid that I won't be able to keep the schedule. Afraid that Addisyn will cry when we leave her. Afraid that people will make fun of me. Afraid that I might just like it.
The dictonary lists a definition of afraid as "inner apprehensive disquiet". At first when I read that, I thought "Say what?" But then a little voice inside my head said, "You are more worried about you than other people are. People aren't afraid for you. You are afraid for yourself. You are what holds you back. You are what causes the apprehensive disquiet." And just like that, I know that I will go home, get ready, grab a quick bite to eat and head to Zumba for no other reason than to cease the inner apprehensive disquiet part of me.
What are you afraid of??
I went through my old posts today to see when I last wrote. Yeah, that would be June. A lot of things have happened since then. Addisyn turned 4, we celebrated my Daddy's 55th birthday, we went on a mini-vacation, school started which means Addisyn is an official Pre-K kid (hold on while I wipe the tears!), and the worst of all is that I have gained back some of my weight. I hate to even write that!!
Like I said earlier, I went back through my old posts today and read what I had written when I first started and even through my last post in June. While it was encouraging, I kept asking myself, "Where did that person go? The one that didn't care how long it took, what it took to get there, or realized obstacles weren't meant to overtake me but to be overcome?" I want to find that person again. Hopefully, tonight, I will get a glimpse of her.
You see, we joined a gym. Yes, I know that I said earlier that I couldn't afford it, but I have become one of the typical treadmill owners whose treadmill has become more of a clothesrack than a piece of exercise equipment. So, we bit the bullet and joined a local gym. We have been members there before, so I knew how nice it was and was eager to get back. About the time we joined, Bubba broke his wrist playing softball and pretending to be Derek Jeter!! Following that injury came surgery. Following surgery came recovery. And so on. So, needless to say, I have paid for a gym membership for almost 3 months and have yet to use it - until tonight!!
This particular gym offers Zumba. For those of you that have lived under a rock the last three years and have never heard of Zumba, check it out at www.zumba.com. It really is a lot of fun, plus you can burn anywhere between 900-1200 calories in an hour. I love Zumba! I have done it off an on since Addisyn was a baby. I think I like it because it is more dancing than exercising, and well - I like to dance! So, when we finally said, "We are going to the gym!", I looked at the calendar. They offer Zumba on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Aqua Zumba on Wednesday nights. Excuse me?? Did someone say Aqua Zumba? Heck, yea! I can have fun and not sweat? I am all over that. I have never done that, but I will try anything once.......within reason! So, I told my husband that my schedule will be Zumba three days a week and walking either outside or on the treadmill Monday and Friday. Momma is taking the weekend off. You heard me - I'm gonna be a Zumba fool!
And then I start thinking - "You really are a fool! Do you remember how tiring a class is?" "Three days a week?" "You'll never make it!" "You will look like a big dummy out there! People will laugh at you!" And so on, and so forth. So, last night after I decided this would be my routine, I started freaking out. I still struggle with leaving Addisyn at the gym's childcare after being at school all day, but when I start to think about backing out, she pipes up, "Hey, Momma? Are we going to the gym tonight?" I very quietly, with fear and dread in my office, say, "Yes, baby." To which she replies enthusiastically, "YES!!!" And I resign myself to the fact that I have to go because she will be disappointed if we don't go.
All in all, I guess I am afraid. Afraid of what I will look like. Afraid of what will happen. Afraid that I won't be able to keep the schedule. Afraid that Addisyn will cry when we leave her. Afraid that people will make fun of me. Afraid that I might just like it.
The dictonary lists a definition of afraid as "inner apprehensive disquiet". At first when I read that, I thought "Say what?" But then a little voice inside my head said, "You are more worried about you than other people are. People aren't afraid for you. You are afraid for yourself. You are what holds you back. You are what causes the apprehensive disquiet." And just like that, I know that I will go home, get ready, grab a quick bite to eat and head to Zumba for no other reason than to cease the inner apprehensive disquiet part of me.
What are you afraid of??
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