Well, hello there! No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth. Just life. Just life. I really want to be better at blogging. I will try and get back on track.
I went through my old posts today to see when I last wrote. Yeah, that would be June. A lot of things have happened since then. Addisyn turned 4, we celebrated my Daddy's 55th birthday, we went on a mini-vacation, school started which means Addisyn is an official Pre-K kid (hold on while I wipe the tears!), and the worst of all is that I have gained back some of my weight. I hate to even write that!!
Like I said earlier, I went back through my old posts today and read what I had written when I first started and even through my last post in June. While it was encouraging, I kept asking myself, "Where did that person go? The one that didn't care how long it took, what it took to get there, or realized obstacles weren't meant to overtake me but to be overcome?" I want to find that person again. Hopefully, tonight, I will get a glimpse of her.
You see, we joined a gym. Yes, I know that I said earlier that I couldn't afford it, but I have become one of the typical treadmill owners whose treadmill has become more of a clothesrack than a piece of exercise equipment. So, we bit the bullet and joined a local gym. We have been members there before, so I knew how nice it was and was eager to get back. About the time we joined, Bubba broke his wrist playing softball and pretending to be Derek Jeter!! Following that injury came surgery. Following surgery came recovery. And so on. So, needless to say, I have paid for a gym membership for almost 3 months and have yet to use it - until tonight!!
This particular gym offers Zumba. For those of you that have lived under a rock the last three years and have never heard of Zumba, check it out at www.zumba.com. It really is a lot of fun, plus you can burn anywhere between 900-1200 calories in an hour. I love Zumba! I have done it off an on since Addisyn was a baby. I think I like it because it is more dancing than exercising, and well - I like to dance! So, when we finally said, "We are going to the gym!", I looked at the calendar. They offer Zumba on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Aqua Zumba on Wednesday nights. Excuse me?? Did someone say Aqua Zumba? Heck, yea! I can have fun and not sweat? I am all over that. I have never done that, but I will try anything once.......within reason! So, I told my husband that my schedule will be Zumba three days a week and walking either outside or on the treadmill Monday and Friday. Momma is taking the weekend off. You heard me - I'm gonna be a Zumba fool!
And then I start thinking - "You really are a fool! Do you remember how tiring a class is?" "Three days a week?" "You'll never make it!" "You will look like a big dummy out there! People will laugh at you!" And so on, and so forth. So, last night after I decided this would be my routine, I started freaking out. I still struggle with leaving Addisyn at the gym's childcare after being at school all day, but when I start to think about backing out, she pipes up, "Hey, Momma? Are we going to the gym tonight?" I very quietly, with fear and dread in my office, say, "Yes, baby." To which she replies enthusiastically, "YES!!!" And I resign myself to the fact that I have to go because she will be disappointed if we don't go.
All in all, I guess I am afraid. Afraid of what I will look like. Afraid of what will happen. Afraid that I won't be able to keep the schedule. Afraid that Addisyn will cry when we leave her. Afraid that people will make fun of me. Afraid that I might just like it.
The dictonary lists a definition of afraid as "inner apprehensive disquiet". At first when I read that, I thought "Say what?" But then a little voice inside my head said, "You are more worried about you than other people are. People aren't afraid for you. You are afraid for yourself. You are what holds you back. You are what causes the apprehensive disquiet." And just like that, I know that I will go home, get ready, grab a quick bite to eat and head to Zumba for no other reason than to cease the inner apprehensive disquiet part of me.
What are you afraid of??
No comments:
Post a Comment