Cheeseburgers or Self-Control

Yesterday was a bust!!  I have been very good on my diet since Sunday.  I have tracked everything I have eaten.  Monday, I walked 2 miles, Tuesday 1 mile, Wednesday 1 mile (before church, I might add).  I just knew it was going to be a better week.  So, I decided to cheat and weigh yesterday morning.  I usually weigh on Sundays, but I wanted to see how great my hard work had paid off.  So, I step on the scale, and what did I see - nothing.  NOT ONE SINGLE OUNCE!!!  "How could this be?" I wondered.  I did everything right.  And that is when it happened - I was faced with a choice.

I am an emotional eater.  I eat when I'm stressed, sad, angry, bored, happy.....basically if I'm breathing, I can find a reason to eat.  So, there I am - standing on the scale and I hear "What's the use?"  My first response was to eat whatever I wanted this morning for breakfast.  I posted on Facebook my dilemma, and a friend of mine basically said, "Yeah, a big, fat, greasy, calorie loaded cheeseburger would fix everything!"  In the back of my mind, I rationalized it.  I was mad.  What was the use.  I haven't had red meat in a month!!  A month, people!!!  I could already hear Whataburger calling my name.

Then reality sank in.  So, I eat the cheeseburger, and then what's next?  I gain more weight.  I feel worse about myself.  I eventually give up until I decide that it is time to start eating right again, and then I am at a higher weight that I was originally.  So, I decided to go for self-control and eat right.  I had a PB&J sandwich - everything weighed out and counted for.  As one of my friend's described me, I am anal about it.  Which I count as a good thing.  I have to have structure.

All in all, I did good.  I had a sandwich and Terra chips for lunch.  I had 2 bottles of water, which is about 33 ounces of water, plus 3 glasses of tea at dinner. 

Last night was Addisyn's Early Childhood Program at school.  We have really struggled with her having stage fright, but she did great at her dance recital last week, and so I was hoping for her to do great lats night.  And she did!!  She was the best baker/locomotive engineer that she ever could be!  And it was while she was standing there singing and dancing, that I remembered why I do what I am doing.  It is because of her.  I don't want her to grow up without a momma.  I don't want my husband to have to raise her - the very miracle we prayed for together.  It wouldn't be fair to him or to her to make them do it on their own because I chose to love cheeseburgers more than them.  And isn't that what it boils down to?  I love my food and the feeling of comfort more than I love the idea of being with them for the next 40 years.

So - in that light, cheeseburgers or self control?  I pick self-control, and in doing so, I pick my family.