Another Day

This past week, my husband was out of town for work, and so therefore, rather than cook a large meal for Addisyn and me each night, we ate out.  Eating at restaurants is always tricky, but I think I made some good choices.  Bubba came home on Friday, and we had dinner with some friends that night, a play last night that my Goddaughter was in, and today is Fresh Beat Band with Addisyn.  

Friday, I decided that I had been good all week, and so therefore, I deserved to have a night where I could eat what I wanted and just enjoy being with friends.  That led to yesterday, having a piece of cake, a piece of sopapilla cheesecake, and 2 bean burritos for dinner (at least I had a grilled chicken sandwich for lunch!).  I weighed this morning and gained 2.2 lbs in a week.  Gee!  Should I be surprised now that I have looked back at what I ate the last 2 days after being so good all week?

I woke up and was disgusted with myself.  Why even try?  Then, the blog I read daily (runsforcookies.com) posted a blog of a lady that she reads.  I read her blog, and it was like reading what I posted a couple of days ago.  She talked about battling her weight all of her life, making poor decisions, getting started and then messing up, and finally deciding that her family was worth it and that she was worth it.  She talked about watching Biggest Loser, which I watch religiously, and how she longed to be that person who could lose 9 lbs in a week.  She has lost quite a bit of weight and is preparing for a marathon.  I can never imagine running a marathon, but that is the furthest thing from my mind right now.

Thursday night, Addisyn and I were getting ready to go meet some friends, and I was helping her get ready, and she looked up at me and said, "Mommy, you're so pretty!"  I just started crying.  Face it!  Kids can be brutally honest!  So for her to tell me that I am pretty makes me realize that she loves me for me - not dependent upon how much I weigh, and that I will always be pretty to her.  Shouldn't I want to be a better mom to her?  Bubba tells me all the time I am beautiful.  Shouldn't I want to be a more active partner with him in doing everything in life? 

So - I am stepping back and starting over.  I will make better choices and remind myself that for now (and maybe forever), I can't do what others do.  I have to track my food.  I have to be conscientious of what I eat.  I can't just chill out and grab a plate without measuring what is there.

Today is another day, but I have all the power to decide what happens in it.  Will I make bad choices and eat what appeals to me, or will I decide that I am worth it, Bubba is worth it, and Addisyn is worth it, and make good decisions?  My heart is focused on the latter.